Monday, February 25, 2013

For better or for worse.... 7 years on (with a kid in tow)

Back in 2006 when we just got married!

It's our 7th year wedding anniversary today.

Oh man, 7 years! That makes it 10 years of being together with this guy I call my husband now. Where has all this time gone?

I know that its just a figure, but when I stop to think about it, the amount of time that has gone by continues to astound me.

I met my hubby when I was 20 and now I'm a decade older. We married after 3 years of long-distance relationship.

The past year, with a kid in the picture, has brought about so many changes for us - as a couple, as individuals and in our roles as parents.

It has been a year when we've had to struggle with issues, our ideals and what we want in our marriage. Hubby has had his first year of being part-boss of a medium-sized tax consultancy business and this has been another learning mountain for us.

For me, that meant releasing him to focus on his work and holding the fort at home. It meant him leaving the house at 6am and being home around 7-8pm most days. For him, it meant longer hours and higher expectations at work obviously.

At the beginning, I found myself resenting it because he seemed more carefree somewhat when he was "just an employee" who worked around the corner from where we lived. But now it felt like he had two families to take care of - his biological one and his career one.

It took a long time of submission in my heart to God, knowing that this is the job that God has given my hubby and that's where God wanted him to bear fruit. I really had to crucify the fleshy desire to want my husband all for myself / the family.

Oh and have I mention how egoistic I am be when it comes to raising Sammy? Yup! That's me.

I have this "I'm a SAHM, I spend the most amount of time with my baby so I know what's best for him" mentality. Yupz. When it comes to interacting with kiddo and doing what's best for him, it's Mummy's opinion number 1, followed by "I've read about this..." opinion number 2 and Daddy's opinion somewhere further down the list.

Oh geez. So bad right?

I could go on... but shall attempt to self-preserve my dignity now. LOL.

Hubby has had to deal with a wife who morphed from English teacher to sleep-deprived Mom of a baby and now a preggy, hormonal wife who keeps harping on the fact that she wants Singaporean food.

I'm very thankful that hubby is still in general more easygoing than myself. It's true though that the conflict barometer in our family went up a notch or even a few notches since we became parents.

It's not the kid's fault, but everything changed sooo drastically! We can't do anything spontaneously anymore. And IMHO, spontaneity keeps passion alive! So we've had to learn to enjoy the small things like Chuck / Gossip girl episodes when the little one sleeps. Usually that's all we manage because even a DVD is too long for us.

Oh and hubby and I started on a 30-day fast from criticism. As in, we're supposed to speak praise and positive things into each other's lives instead of whatever negative thoughts that creep into our brains! We started a week ago and I must say that we were maybe 50% successful? It's so tough to nip the problem in the head by acting in the opposite spirit!

So yeah, we're gonna continue to keep at it.

Hah, in our mini attempt to do things we enjoy together, I even signed us up for pilates course. I've been doing pilates for more than 2 years now and hubby has some back issues so I figured it would be a cool way to have some time together, while my MIL babysat.

It was fun while it lasted (about 4-5 times?), until I got preggy (and couldn't exactly do exercises that required me to lie on my belly) and until hubby got too busy at work to be able to leave on time for the 6pm course.

We still go swimming together either as a couple or with Sammy once a week. That's something that we both really look forward to and enjoy.

I am a firm believer of quality rather than just quantity. I don't need to "boast" about being married for xx years when most of it was unhappy - you know what I mean. I want to be happy at each stage of the way. 

Definitely. I realized that making mistakes in my marriage means giving and receiving forgiveness. I need to learn to be more gracious to my hubby because I know that God's grace is always new and more than sufficient for me every. single. day. That I don't have to harp on things that make me upset, but I can really ask God to help me to forgive AND forget.

I think more importantly, its about being to see my husband the way God wants me to see him. I know that I can hardly get upset with Sammy because I know that he doesn't really know what he's doing. And if I can be soo gracious to him, certainly I can extend that same grace to my husband even if I feel "Oh man, he made the same mistake again after I told him for the xxth time not to do that!"

You know the expression "the 7th year itch"? Apparently this phrase was popularized by a film by Marilyn Monroe. I did a google search on what that meant and read, "There is nothing magical about seven years of marriage, except that half of the people who are going to get divorced do so by the seventh year of marriage".

I'm not superstitious but I can somewhat understand why this is so. 7 years is long enough for the initial passion / flame of a relationship to die out. And familiarity does breed contempt. I find that familiarity does make one take another person for granted. The mini things that one was able to close an eye about in the early years of marriage, seems to be viewed in a different, magnified light.

Yeah, am I thankful and utmostly grateful that we're not in this marriage alone!!! Thank God for God!!! For knowing that He IS our source of love for each other and He WILL sustain this marriage and help us to fan our passion for each other. I pray that I won't grow complacent but will remain moldable as God uses hubby to shape me to be more like Him and vice versa!

Oh this post turned out pretty lengthy! I thought I wanted to jot down some of my thoughts of my marriage at the 7th-year mark and reflect on this union with my hubby.

7 years on, you're still the guy I want to grow old with!


elainegan said...

Happy 7th Anniversary! Wishing you many more blessed years ahead :)

Pris said...

Thanks Elaine! :) I'm glad that we managed to get a babysitter (Sammy's godparents) so that we could celebrate our anniversary just the two of us!


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