I really don´t want to blog about this. But I simply can´t not blog about something that has been on my conscious mind ALL the time for the past month.
My throat is killing me. Seriously.
It seems to have a life of its own. Some days its not-too-bad, but today for example, it was horrendous!
I´ve been popping tons of throat drops but the minty taste only elevates the pain temporarily and leaves a stinging pain on the top of my mouth. Yup, I´ve been having so many of those drops that my mouth is beginning to hurt from the acidity of those sweets.
The worst thing is that nothing seems to be able to be done about it. The 2 throat specialists dismissed me a "no big deal" attitude, after 5 mins of examination. Hubby was there for one examination and he saw how quickly they looked over me and wrote me a prescription for some mouth spray. It tastes just like Listerine except that I have to spray it into my mouth and swallow it....makes me feel like I´m swallowing poison actually.
But then the pain continues! There´s no ceasing or stopping of the pain. As soon as I start teaching - which I don´t necessarily strain my voice. My classes are mainly small and when they are big, I tend to spilt them up into smaller groups. Its just normal talking. And it hurts.
And boy, how it hurts. It is so extremely p.a.i.n.f.u.l! It feels like the entire throat is on flames. Worse than when you eat chilli. It feels like chilli is growing on the internals of my throat and each time I talk, the chilli is rubbed against the skin on the inside.
I find myself massaging my throat on the outside in a futile way to cease the pain on the inside.
The worse thing is, how on earth am I supposed to continue teaching like this? The only thing that makes me go through the torture is to remind myself of the money it brings in.
But is it worth to teach when I´m hurting physically?
The best part of my job is the people contact, getting to know people etc. But for that , you´d need a mouth.
I unconsciously try to limit the number of words I say and I have cut all small talk to the students to a bare minimum. Its the "let´s get down to business" classes that I´m having these days.
Have another appointment with my GP on Thursday and I´m really going to tell him that nothing that the HNOs (throat specialists) have given me have worked.
It´s so bad that I´m already considering quitting my job, just so that I don´t have to dread going for classes, during which I have to literally bear the pain on the insides.
Plus, I don´t have anything to show for it! My voice sounds normal, my throat looks normal....etc. When you have a broken leg, at least you´ve got something to show for it. In this state, one of the throat specialists refused to give me medical leave because he claims that this throat infection does not make me incapable of working and that it would leave in a week or two.
It´s been more than a month!
Hello? If he really could feel the pain I go through, he would never be able to say those words!