I just came back from yet another "Leader´s Round". Its a monthly meeting that my church has for cell-leaders, something like a "feeding the leaders" thing, since cell leaders mostly don´t have their own cell groups. It really feels like I´m just a spectator watching what everybody is saying, or should I say hearing.
Throughout the entire 3 hour meeting (from 8pm to 11pm), they were talking about different issues that different people in their cells were experiencing and I can´t help but feel like there´s a fine line between gossiping and sharing concerns of people in their cell. I´m not saying that they WERE gossiping but since I barely said anything, I could somehow gauge the amount of time they were spending talking about the lives of OTHER people - people that I don´t know. 30mins out of 3 hrs is quite a lot to me.
I couldn´t say anything, I barely said anything at all throughout the entire 3 hours, cos there was hardly any pause in between each person´s speech. Its not easy to say something smart, informative and quick in between the very short and almost non-existing pauses of people, without feeling that I´m interrupting or just taking up peoples´time.
Plus it doesn´t help that I do take longer than an average person to first understand what they are saying, then to process it in my mind and then if possible to think of a response that I can possibly reply in german. Calculating all the additional time it takes for me to process group information in german and the super quick talking of everybody else, its basically like a tortoise trying to catch up with a rabbit - in short impossible, unless the rabbit sleeps that is.
It feels like people here are simply ALL TALKERS! I hardly meet anybody who´s more of a listener than a talker. People just talk and talk and talk. Ask any foreigner and they will tell you that its easier to speak german to another foreigner than to the germans themselves - cos they not only talk super fast, but they normally barely pause to include you in the conversation.
A question like "So, Priscilla what do you think?" is hardly ever heard, if not never. I was at guitar class today and one lady actually asked me "How are you? Have u been practising your guitar?" And this question, in the midst of a discussion of 3 german women! BOY, was I blown away! I was like just awe-struck, did somebody - a german, actually ask me how I am? Or for my opinion about a particular topic.
Naturally was my little joy at this being INCLUDED was wiped away after 3 hours of total silence during the leaders´meeting. People were simply talking, talking and talking during the Leaders meeting. I mean, I can´t help being bored, cos I was both tired from listening to german til 11pm and cos I didn´t even have a chance to talk!
I´m the type that believe that when you have people in your conversational group and somebody is not talking, I would personally pick that person out and ask about his or her opinion. But here, its different. If you don´t talk, or don´t dare to talk, or don´t have the chance to talk, it really doesn´t matter what your reason is for not talking, you simply continue not talking and nobody really cares.
Isn´t it such that when a person listens to you, means that the person is interested in your life and how you are? What I experienced tonight was so contradictory. Nobody was really talking about his or her personal life, except the lives of the people in their cell groups and nobody was asking anybody about his or her own personal life.
I ask myself why do I continue going for the leaders´meeting.
PS. A disclaimer though. The only germans that I get to talk to on a regular basis would be my in-laws. I owe my german skills A LOT to Anita and Werner cos they are like the ONLY germans I get to discuss topics with and talk in a group. I think that´s why I love talking to Werner, cos he listens. Oh man. You can´t believe what a HUGE BLESSING it is for me, to have somebody who listens. Stephan listens to me lah, but it doesn´t count, cos I normally speak to him in english and somehow talking to Stephan in german doesn´t seem to work - not for now at least. Plus Steph is more of a talker than listener - esp in german - get what I mean?
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