Today was my last day of DTS, 12 weeks of lectures of solid teaching is O-V-E-R! Its like so fast! As I'm writing this, I still feel the loss of what must have been the greatest, deepest and most intimate time with God from the time I was born till today.... *sounds a bit exaggerated but its true*.
The positive side is that I know that this is only the beginning. Remember that Ailing told me before, that DTS was only the beginning of a whole new adventure with God. I think this is so true! I'm really filled with the sense of expectation and excitement of what else does God have in store for me! Sometimes, I think of all the questions that man have about God...for me, it would be something like "If God is loving, why did my Mom die of cancer and at such a young age" However, I'm just drawn back to the fact that God does not owe me an answer! And whether or not I choose to admit it, I need God so much more than God NEEDS me.... I know that this is not a very encouraging fact to someone who might be filled with self-pity, but the truth is really that I am not God and God does not have to explain His actions to anyone.
Even then, God has provided me with the comfort, love, support and everything I needed to walk through my grieving process. I'm so thankful to God to say that I really do believe that I'm at the end of my grieving process about Mom. I'm starting to dream happy dreams of Mom. I still miss her voice whenever I hear her voice in my dreams and I still feel a tinge of sadness, but I'm no longer depressed and messed up over it. God has really shown me that Mom is safe in God's hands and my heart is safe in Him.
Ok, I'm supposed 2 write abt DTS. YEAH! Thank God for all the lessons learnt. I got 6 more weeks in Singapore.....need to pack, admin (insurance, CPF money), and 'fight the spiritual battle in my family of origin'.... yeah... as I said to my friend, I need to do damage control in my family.....in my 6 weeks....please pray for me as I engage in spiritual battle with God for my family.