Dear Liam - 4 years old (amidst corona shutdown)

Love this boy

We've been on Corona lockdown mode for the past 5 weeks.

The first week was the toughest. I had no idea how to manage helping the two older ones with their homework while having to take care of the two younger ones. That plus the crazy increase in housework with having to maintain a certain level of tidiness with 4 kids at home at all time, cook two warm meals daily and not having a cleaner (we asked her to take a break), resulted in a pretty frazzled me for a while. 

But somehow we survived. I guess it helped that the hub was also working from home part-time, so I wasn't always alone with the kids.

Fast-forward 5 weeks and the German government has announced that the schools will stay shut down until May at least. I have no idea if my boys will go back to school for this school term anymore. In any case, I've gotten quite used to our usual routine by now. 

To be honest, even though I'm an extrovert by nature, being a stay-home-Mom has tamed me down a lot. I do not have any close friends who live within close proximity and while I'm thankful to be able to make small talk with some familiar faces in my neighbourhood, I must say that my children are my primary source of companion. Them and God of course! 

Being a SAHM for 8 years has prepared me for this corona lockdown I must say. I'm already home all the time and am used to spending time alone with my kids. However, the biggest change is having to be the primary educator of my kids even though German isn't my mother tongue. 

I have an influx of Emails from both teachers and finding time to sort through my Emails isn't easy. My Archilles Heel is knowing that I'm not a native German speaker and I keep thinking I would be better able to help my children if only I understood German as easily as English. But that said, I think this means that I'm constantly dependant on God since the Bible says, in my weakness, His strength is made perfect right?

This time has not been easy mentally either. I do think sometimes if Liam's birthday might be the last birthday I'll celebrate with him. Or what if I'm one of the few people who do not make it through this unpredictable virus? I'm not being pessimistic, but the reality is we do not know how long we have to live on this Earth. And being a Mom I know one of my biggest fears is not to be able to watch my children grow up and get married. My mom passed away just a month before I got married, so I certainly don't take it for granted that everybody gets to become a grandparent. 

That said, I've been nursing a weird cough for the past 2 weeks. And half of me hopes that it could be the corona cough? Cos then, I know I'm done with it. And the other half is, "Nah, it can't be...." 

But the bible says, if you faith the size of a mustard seed, you can move mountains. And my prayer is that somehow supernaturally, my family and I will have natural antibodies to this virus. I speak from experience that this is really possible. When I was pregnant with Isabelle, a kid in Gabriel's kindergarten got infected with the 5th disease - It is a pretty rare disease that causes skin rashes in children but when contracted when pregnant has the potential to be extremely dangerous for the unborn fetus. I was so worried! And to make matters worse, Liam broke up with a weird rash all over his face on the same day I went to the doctor to test my bloods to see if I got the virus! Writing about this still gives me chills! 

My prayer back then was only that I would not have any sign of infection in my blood. But guess what? Not only did I not have any infection, I was even immune to it!! Like seriously! How is that even possible, you may ask? I have no idea! I believe God gave me the antibodies supernaturally! How cool was that right? 

And somehow I believe I have this Praise report because I know the same God who got me through the 5th disease, will get me /us through this corona crap! 

We've been praying Psalm 91 daily as a family and its so comforting! 

Oh one thing we have incorporated into our family life? We take the time before we eat dinner to have a round of applause. Usually one kid would start, "Round of applause for Mummy for cooking such yummy food." And everybody would clap. And the next person would say, "Round of applause to Daddy for earning the money for the food." *clap clap* and on it goes until everybody has a round of applause. This thing just started randomly and somehow stuck. I thought it was such a nice way to appreciate everybody at the end of the day. 


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When we were preparing for Liam's birthday (before the corona outbreak), this was our conversation. 

Me: Where would you like to celebrate your birthday?

Liam: At home

Me: You sure? You don't want to go somewhere fun? We could go to the park, have a picnic, nice playground? 

Liam: No. I want to celebrate at home.

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During home quarantine after corona shutdown in Germany

Me: Liam, nobody can come for your birthday you know. Grandma and grandpa can't come. It will just be us celebrating your birthday.

Liam: That's OK. (Showing an understanding face).

Me: Really??

Liam: Yeah. I'm so excited to celebrate my birthday at home.

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He got one present mailed to him from my in-laws.

Me: Liam you can go downstairs to the store to pick one more present for yourself ok?

Liam: But I already have one present.

Me: Oh but you can have another one!

Liam: Oh wow! I can have 2 presents!

Me: (speechless)

He ended up having 3 presents because my dad called from Singapore and said he would like to sponsor a present for the little one, so you can imagine his happiness! The mom in me just hopes to instil inner contentment and simple joys in the hearts of my little ones. Happiness doesn't lie in the size of a party or the number of presents one is lavished with.

I felt sad that we couldn't have guests over for his birthday this year. So that's why I decided to decorate the place & make the day as memorable as possible.

Liam enjoyed being in the center of attention for the day and getting calls from family and friends made him feel so special. It's such a poignant reminder for myself that as much as life can be isolating / uncertain as it in right now, God has still blessed us with so much we can be thankful for. I will always be thankful & grateful to God for this gift to be a Mom and to learn and grow with my kids.

We bought this letter garland which is sooo practical! If you look closely, you can see that each letter can be detached and re-used. That's fantastic for multiple kids in a family. You can have a professional-looking garland without having to go through the hassle of making it yourself. 

Look at how proud Liam looked! He wore a DIY knight crown that we made together once at craft group. The Hot Wheels toy is what he got from us and my Dad. 

I told them to look crazy

Somehow they always need to make rabbit ears

Look at that death stare! LOL. 

I baked a brownie chocolate cake and decorated it with M&Ms. Liam wanted to have a chocolate strawberry cake but strawberries are not in season yet so we compromised with M&Ms. I also baked some German vanilla Kipferls - traditional German Christmas cookies because I had to get rid of some ground hazelnuts. 

The boys played with sparklers!

Isabelle was so fascinated by the sparklers but Liam was positively terrified

Let's try to ignore Isabelle's picking of her nose. Lol. 

Finally, one photo with me in it!

Liam couldn't take his eyes off the scary sparklers!

My big boy!

Blowing candles must be one of the best things ever as a birthday kid!

The boys totally enjoyed playing with the new toy!

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Dear Liam

You are such a sweet kid. You lavish Mummy with hugs and kisses and I'm so enjoying it until the day when you don't do it anymore. You still sleep next to Mummy's bed because you haven't started kindergarten yet. Our deal was that when you start kindergarten, you can graduate to the big boy bed, but since that is nowhere in sight, Mummy shall continue to enjoy having you as my roommate. 

Once in your half sleep, you came over and said, "Mummy, I really like you very much", hugged me and you went back to sleep after that. Can you imagine how Mummy's heart melted into a million pieces? 

You really enjoy learning how to cook and bake! 

Whenever you see me in the kitchen, you would ask if you can help me and would proceed to wash your hands first! Mummy appreciates having a little elf and who knows, maybe you'll be a chef one day! 

You made banana muffins here

Here you were using a real knife to chop up veggies!

Look at how happy you were making chicken nuggets! And yes, you finished breading the nuggets all by yourself! And you persevered until you were done with almost 1kg of chicken breast! 

End product! 

You love doing crafts! 

We usually do craft together every Tuesday afternoon with a very nice Russian lady. But the Family Center has been closed since the shut down. We really need to start doing crafts by ourselves again! 

 Life as the youngest of 3 boys 

My 3 blessings

The boys are sooo good at games by now! 

You are the youngest of 3 boys. As much as you love having 2 older brothers to look up to, it hasn't been a bed of roses for you either. You are always trying your darnest to catch up with them and you feel frustrated when you can't. 

You picked up cycling just a few days before the shutdown. Thank God! Wow! We tried to get you to cycle a few weeks prior but you were too scared. Somehow though, when we tried again, you picked it up sooo quickly! And what better timing because all playgrounds are closed and there's hardly anywhere we can go to. Since then, we've been cycling as family of 6! 

Once, Gabe had to use the toilet desperately so he decided to speed home with Sam, leaving you to cycle home with Mummy. I didn't see it as a problem, but boy oh boy. You were so upset! You cried buckets and was so overcome by your emotions! You simply couldn't understand why your brothers left you behind. Mummy's patience was honed up a notch because she had to wait in the cold for you to calm down before we could resume our cycling again. 

This was the first time I realised how a seemingly small incident can have such an effect on the mind of a 4-year old. I realised if I were in your shoes, I would of course feel so upset at the whole situation as well. Needless to say, that was the first and last time your brothers sped home without us (you). 

You have also learnt how to play Monopoly, chess, this German game called, "Dame". It's becoming so much more fun to play with you! 

Life as an older brother to a 1-year old sister

I'm so proud of how you've grown in your role as older brother to Isabelle. It's not easy being dethroned from being baby of the family but you have really done it with grace. You absolutely adore your baby sister and would look for her once you've woken up. With your two older brothers usually at school (before corona), your constant playmate has been Isabelle, who has also started playing with regular lego at the age of one. You two share an amazing bond. 

You're mild in temperament, so even when you've had your tantrums, you've been able to listen to reason and make wise decisions. We pray that you'll learn to hear the still small voice of God at a young age and you won't be fazzled by problems but you'll always live a life of faith, knowing that with God you can climb every mountain.

We love you very much young man! 

Mummy & Daddy 

Pregnancy #4 - 38 weeks with 3 toddlers under one roof

I'm well-aware that I'm almost done with this pregnancy but this is only my second blog entry! Truth be told, this pregnancy hasn't been a bed of roses. Sooo, I decided to write a summary of how the last couple of weeks of my pregnancy have been for me!

Warning: looooong post ahead!

MAD Braxton Hicks contractions 

The most tiring part of this pregnancy has got to be the daily Braxton hicks contractions I've been experiencing since week 30. When they first started, I couldn't get out of my bed for 5 days! The effort it took for me to go to the washroom was intense. I was seriously worried that I would go into pre-term labour! After 2 visits to the gynaecologist, he reassured me that things are looking fine but for women with repeated pregnancies, sometimes the uterus can be "more active". I should try to take things slow. *great*

Having a NANNY for the first time

The sliver lining was that he prescribed me "family help" for the following weeks up until the birth of baby! I now have a nanny who comes by 8 hours a day to help me with the housework, kids and just be around as an extra set of hands and legs!

I can't tell you how AMAZING this is! I've never had a maid in Germany and this is incredible! The health insurance pays for the nanny and I'm able to have a breather in these last few weeks. This is seriously the first time I'm soo WOWed out by the amazing German state health insurance! And how AMAZING is God right? When I was feeling so trapped about how to survive the last 10 weeks of pregnancy, God provided such timely help in the form of a paid-for nanny!

Our nanny arrived just in the time for the start of the school holidays when all 3 kiddos are at home and my cleaner left for a 4-weeks holiday. I mean, how incredible is God's timing right?

I'm still a big, fat whale who has to alternate standing and sitting / lying down. I feel the stab of Mummy guilt when I just wish I could bring the kids for a nice day out but I also know that I can't overdo it with my physical activity.

Making it to full-term pregnancy!!! 

I'm 38 weeks today and I'm such a huge ball of relief that I managed to make it this far! I delivered my 3 other babies between 39-41 weeks, with each subsequent baby arriving earlier. That gives me hope that this baby will make his / her appearance before the due date.

Sam went for this thing called "Forest home" for the past 3 weeks. He spent the entire day from 8.30am to 6pm outdoors and gets breakfast, lunch and dinner provided. I missed my big boy a lot but I knew that he had an awesome time.

Gabriel's very persistent cough and changing dynamics between Gabriel (5 yrs) and Liam (2 yrs) 

During Sam's absence, war broke loose between my 2 younger ones. Gabriel missed his older brother with whom he does everything with. He hates sharing his lego with Liam who has a very destructive nature.

Gabriel's kindergarten closed for a 3-week summer break and this coincided with him  nursing a very persistent cough. I've had to throw out all my plans of going to the outdoor pool / sending him for swim courses because the doctor didn't want him to exert himself. The poor bugger has had a very sedentary lifestyle in the hopes that this would help him to recover quicker. He hated going to the playground or cycling on his own. *sigh*

The level of screaming between my #2 and #3 was intense! I had no idea that Liam can scream that loud! Gabriel absolutely LOVES annoying his younger brother and Liam won't hesitate to yell at the top of his lungs. I have no idea how to teach Gabriel to stop annoying his brother! Or sometimes, Liam just yells because he can't stand Gabriel singing to himself. What's with all this yelling??!

After 3 weeks of WWIII, kindergarten finally started but I've not been able to wave the victory flag yet because.... Gabriel is still nursing this horrid cough. We are unable to send him to kindergarten because of his coughing fits.

The kids' original paediatrician was gone for a 3-week break and during this time, his father (also a PD) refused to give Gabriel any form of medication except for the usual "inhale some saltwater" advice. We made the effort to visit the PD 3 times!!! With no results!

When our doctor finally got back, I had a very serious conversation with him because it can't be that my boy has been having coughing fits for 4 weeks with no end in sight. We finally started on some proper medication yesterday and we hope and pray that things will improve quickly!

It's crazy how life is easier with 3 kids instead of 2! I'm so thankful that I can reap the benefits of a close age gap between Sam & Gabriel because of their ability to play so well with each other. I know that Liam and Gabriel will get there too, but at this point in time, they just fight like cat and mouse.

WORST heatwave in decades

We had the worst and hottest summer in decades! Since 2003 as a matter of fact. I moved to Germany in 2006, so this was the worst summer I've had! I know, I come from Singapore so I shouldn't complain about heat right? WRONG! We don't get such sweltering temperatures like during a heatwave in Europe. Temps soared to 40 degrees in some countries! There's no air-con and the clear blue skies made sure that there wasn't any cloud layer to filter out the stinging sun rays. It was hard figuring where to bring the kids to especially since we couldn't go to the pool - Gabriel's cough remember? Surviving this heatwave with a heavily-pregnant belly, I think I deserved some form of Academy Award! #nojoke

Day trip to the Animal Farm 

Once, we managed a day trip to the animal park where the kids could feed the animals. I honestly felt like the best Mom in the world! The 2 boys played so immensely well together! It was a pretty shaded park so we managed to get some respite from the sweltering heatwave. I managed to take short breaks to alleviate the Braxton hicks contractions.

Love how happy we looked!

Playing so nicely together

They play so well together when we're outdoors

Liam was fearless when feeding the deers

Love how he eats his chocolate ice-cream! 

My reflections for having a #4 child soon!

For myself, I'm such a ball of emotions these days. After experiencing it 3 times, I know how much life will change with a new addition to the Tews family. My biggest nostalgia is knowing that Liam will no longer be the baby of the family. It happened with Sam, then Gabriel and now Liam. And even though I know this is part and parcel of having a new baby, it still doesn't make the feeling of loss any easier.

I know that I can neither keep my babies small nor under my wings forever, but the very-preggy me still feels so teary thinking about it. On the other hand, I'm deeply convinced that God will provide me with a bigger heart and grace that I so desperately need for this new stage of my life.

I guess the conundrum of motherhood is loving children enough to want to have more children and yet feeling your limitations that you can't have one-on-one time with each child as much as you'd want to. If only I had unlimited energy and capacity, I would have kids and still be able to shower each one with the undivided love and attention as I could a single child.

Still, I look at Sam and think about what a responsible and independent child he is and I just know that he got these traits because he's the oldest in the family. And oh, how I love ALL my children! I'm just so happy being a Mom. So thankful. So grateful. So soaking in the knowledge that it is such a blessing and privilege to be able to pour out my love on my kids and teach them God's values.

I'm no perfect mom. But I know that motherhood is God's purpose for me in this season of my life. And oh boy, how I would want to grow in my character and be so dependant on God. Thank you God for entrusting these young ones to me. Please help me to love on them and in my imperfections may your strength be made perfect. In Jesus name, Amen.

"You are as much serving God in looking after your own children, training them up in God's fear, minding the house, and making your household a church for God as you would be if you had been called to lead an army to battle for the Lord of hosts" Charles Spurgeon 

Me at 35 weeks pregnant when we had a combined birthday celebration for the boys - blog post coming up! 

Life with 3 kids - The real stuff

People have been asking me how life as a Mom to 3 kids has been. I find it hard to sort out my thoughts to answer honestly and yet I find it very superficial to just say "Oh yeah, it's been fine". So in the confines of my blog, I shall attempt to paint a picture of what life has been like for the past 4.5 weeks.

To sum it up, life has been hectic and I'm feeling very much out of my comfort zone.

Transiting from 0 to 1 kid was life-changing. Nothing prepares you really for the arrival of your firstborn. You can read all the books you want, listen to all the advice from other parents, but your experience with your kid will never be the same as what someone else experienced with his/her kid.

Transiting from 1 to 2 kids was much easier for us compared to 0 to 1. Sam and Gabriel are pretty close in age (22months), so I was still in the changing diapers / strollers / playgroups stage. As such, I didn't have to alter my lifestyle much to welcome Gabriel into our family. 2 hands for 2 kids. Easy-peasy right?

Introducing a 3rd kid to our family is the first time we are outnumbered.

Even when the hub is home, we are still a ratio of 2 adults to 3 kids. Alone, I'm at a 1 to 3 ratio. As I said, out of my comfort zone.

The good thing though, is that Sam and Gabe are very much able to occupy themselves when I'm busy with Liam. I no longer have the worry that the one kid is too "bored" or needs to meet up with fellow toddlers because these 2 brothers have each other for play and company.

They have also been providing very good company to Liam. Sam would often be the first to attend to a crying Liam and that in itself would buy me a good 10-15 more minutes. I would often lay Liam on the sofa during dinner and sometimes after dinner, Sam would bring his blanket to the sofa and lay next to Liam. Gabriel would follow suit and they would have their little sleepover on the sofa.

SO cute right? I can't even begin to say how my heart swells with pride!

Mealtimes are still tough.

Hub came home at 8pm today so I had to settle the kids for dinner. My in-laws help me out on Monday afternoons with the 2 older ones and today, they brought them to the playground since the weather was awesome.

Dinner was almost ready when Liam started crying. Obviously I couldn't attend to him immediately since I had to set the table, distribute the food and start the boys with the food before I could tend to the little one.

I have this bobby nursing pillow which I put on my lap to nurse the baby so that I can eat my meal at the same time as well as feed Gabriel. Both boys are very much capable of feeding themselves but as what every Mom would know, children can be picky about what they eat. Left to their own devices, Gabriel would eat nothing but rice and Sam eggs.

Last Thursday, I managed to bring them to playgroup for the first time since giving birth 4 weeks ago. We were 30 minutes late (surprisingly not because of the newborn but because the 2 older ones had to do their business just before we left the house).

That meant that my boys only got seats at opposite sides of the table. It was quite impossible for me to help both of them with craft. I was shuffling between the two boys, trying to help them with their "Mother's Day" cards (yeah, I made my own Mother's Day card). And all this time, I had to keep an eye on the infant in the carseat to see if he was still asleep or not.

After playgroup, when the kids were playing on the field outside, I had to use two eyes to keep an eye on 3 kids. Liam is still immobile, so that's one less kid to keep a look out for in terms of prospensity to danger.

I've mastered the skill of maintaining a conversation with a fellow Mom, while keeping my eyes on 2 children who dart around the vicinity. But at one point in time, Liam started crying and in my bid to quieten him down, I wasn't able to maintain visual with my other 2 children. That's when I realized Gabriel was wandering off to our car which was parked at the side of the street. I had to yell at him to stop!

It's true that the more kids you have, the more you know you have to depend on God. I can't be at all places at the same time, nor be 100% attentive at all times. I need to be more consistent in praying for the safety of my kids especially at this fearless toddler stage.

It's pretty much a balancing act, but at least I know from experience, things can only get better when baby grows older and we are more adjusted to having a 3rd baby in the household. 

I so do love being a Mom. There are so many moments in my daily life that I know I will cherish and ponder in my heart. My parenting skills may be far from perfect and I know I'll make many mistakes, but I also know God's grace is more than sufficient for my flaws.

Hub is also such a great Dad. Compared to with Sam, the hub is also so much more relaxed with Liam. It's so heart-warming to watch the man of your dreams grow to become the Dad of your dreams. We are so blessed with him and am so thankful at how he held the fort post-Liam's birth.

The hub was at home for about 4 weeks, while working in between for a couple of days. He makes us wonderful omelettes and I actually have a proper breakfast complete with a butter crossiant and latte macchiato when he's at home.

And don't ask me why, but hub seem to have an ability to make Liam take his pacifier. Somehow his success rates are way higher than me. I blame it on the fact that I breastfeed and the second Liam smells me, he refuses to take anything except the boob.

Yup, that's my life in a nutshell. Wouldn't change it for anything in the world. I'm reminded of this verse and am so grateful to the Lord for blessing our family.

"Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance." Psalm 16: 5-6

This pix pretty much depicts my life now

 

Sammy's 4th birthday

Dear Sammy

Just like that, 4 years have passed and you are such a little man now.

You hand-made some invitation cards with Mummy cos you were allowed to invite some kindergarten friends over for your birthday party. This is the first time we had a kids-only party because many of Mummy's friends with kids were still not back from their vacations.

We re-used your "Cars" theme from your first birthday (not that you would remember that) and we DIYed all the decorations and food, except for the birthday cake.

The lovely Fara hand-baked the chocolate Cars cake and it was absolutely, smashingly, wonderfully beautiful. Both pleasing for the eyes and the taste buds.

The only drawback of the party was the meagre amount of food that 4-5 year old boys eat! Most of them ate like mice - nibbled on their food. They were mainly interested to play rather than eat.

We first had about an hour of food-cum-free-play at home, during which Daddy' ear drums almost popped out of his ears. Mummy found it really sweet to see how you totally enjoyed having your friends over.

Thereafter, you boys had a mini treasure hunt around our neighborhood which last clue involved going back to square one (home) to look for mini treasures - takehome goodies wrapped in a bag.

Once we got home, we took out the lovely chocolate cake, sang you your birthday song and you blew out all the candles.

You unwrapped your presents and were totally overwhelmed with the sheer amount of presents you were bestowed on!

The finale of the party was when you guys played "hit the pot" game. Basically, you boys took turn to be blindfolded and with the help of a wooden spoon, you would have to locate the pot by crawling around the floor.

Once you found the pot, you would overturn it and get the little treasure below (a little packet of gummy bears or chocolate bar). Gabriel was the last one to have his shot at the game and he totally acced it because he saw what the other kids did.

Once most of the guests left, you were so exhausted that you were melting down by the second (ie. unexplained tantrums and crying). We called it a day, gave you a shower and you were in bed by 8pm.

It was a very lovely 2.5-hours party and we're really glad we went ahead to have a children's party. It turned out less stressful than having the usual full-blown parties that we've been having until now.

For many kids, their earliest memories started around the age of 4. We hope that in time, you'll remember with fond memories how we celebrated your birthdays.

We love you so much little one. You're such a blessing to us. We are constantly aware of how God uses you to encourage our hearts. You would very often say, "Mummy, thank you for ..... " Even for little things like me bringing you a glass of water.

Thanks for appreciating me / us darling. Thankfulness is a real virtue to be cultivated and we hope that with age, you will only grow in wisdom, deeper thankfulness and a keener sense of God in your life.

We love you always.
Mummy & Daddy

(Due to protecting the privacy of the other children, I have chosen not to include pictures that show their faces)

My desert table. And may I say I'm proud of the way it turned out? :)

Traffic light bites. A pinterest idea which looked so easy, but involved quite a bit of chocolate burning the fingers!

Chocolate chip wheels

Berry muffin garage which was an almost-disaster in the oven, but we managed to salvage some

Some savory bites of cheese and tomatoes, carrots with garlic dip (not pictured)

The "Cars" backdrop. Same as those from 3 years ago.

The hub giving instructions for the next treasure hunt clue

Believe it or not, one of the clues fell through the trampoline hole and we had to fish it out!

Sammy's lovely birthday cake

Pardon the bad quality, but that's the safest photo I could post that didn't include all the other kids' faces

Cake-cutting. The cake was the one thing the kids were most interested in!

During the "hit the pot" game

DIY cars cup and serviette-holder which the boys really didn't care about.

The take-home goodie bags. The kids loved it!