Hub and I always knew that we wanted to have 3 kids.... with an ajar door for a #4 (but please don't go asking me if or when!)
Sam and Gabriel have a 22-months age gap and while I would say that I'm reaping the benefits of a small age gap, now that they are playing so well with each other, I won't mince words and be the first to admit that "chaotic" would be an understatement to describe the first year.
I was changing diapers 24/7! With 2 kids in diapers, there were mornings when I would have to change diapers 4 times before we could get out of the house!
As such, I felt that I wanted to have a bigger age gap between Gabriel and #3, by virtue of the fact that I knew that it would make the first year somewhat more manageable and Gabriel would hopefully be out of diapers by then.
On the months leading up to Gabriel's 2nd birthday, we decided to start trying for another baby and were really surprised when we got pregnant quickly again.
But our joy was short-lived when the pregnancy ended up in miscarriage in the 6th week. I was contemplating about whether or not to share this personal loss because of the usual 12-weeks silence in a pregnancy. Most women are silent not because they don't want to share their joy with the world, but because of the high miscarriage rates in early pregnancy.
However, when I found out that a friend of mine had a miscarriage around the same time too and she was open to share about her experience, I felt that there really was no shame in this experience. On the contrary, I was encouraged to hear about other women's experiences so I felt that I should also share mine.
When I read up about this topic, I found out that most miscarriages happen in a woman's first pregnancy and the chances of a miscarriage falls drastically once a woman has had a successful pregnancy.
So, for the fact that this was my 1st miscarriage despite it being my 3rd pregnancy, I was all the more upset. When a pregnancy ends so early, most of the time it's due to chromosomes error - so I guess it was for the better that the pregnancy ended.
That said, it was still a painful loss for us. The minute one knows that one is expecting, you start making plans and picturing in your mind what your family would look like with another kid. Baby would have shared my birthday month (in December) so this aggravated the feeling of loss and the "if onlys".
I know that baby is safe in God's hands and it comforts me to know that she/he is with my Mom right now and Mom has a grandchild and her own 5th child up there in heaven with her. (Mom had an m/c on her 5th pregnancy).
We decided to just let nature take its course and I'm thankful that I didn't have to go for a D&C, because the m/c was natural and complete.
3 months later, we got pregnant again and this time the pregnancy went past the 1st trimester. Funnily enough, Gabriel was conceived the month after Sam's 1st birthday and baby #3 was conceived the month after Gabriel turned 2.
The past 3 months have been soooo extremely nauseating and exhausting. I only wanted to sleep all day! I've never felt exhaustion like this before! My 2 pregnancies with the boys were a piece of cake compared to this pregnancy.
I was so sick! I couldn't take the smell of anything, really. I developed MSG-allergy and could not order takeout from any Chinese restaurant. I was hungry all the time but couldn't handle looking at, let alone touching raw meat. It was horrid.
And the "best" part of it? I started feeling sick (around 6 weeks), exactly the time when Sam's kindergarten closed for a whole of 3 weeks! That meant that I had both boys with me every.single.day for 3 whole weeks when I was feeling my worst!
I really prayed so hard or should I say, I kept repeating the same one-sentence prayer everyday, "Help me Lord, to get through this day."
I'm usually immune to the kids' shouting / squabbling with each other, but I had such massive headaches everyday that whenever one kid's "talking" went beyond a certain decibel, my headache went into full-blown mode and I could seriously feel my insides throbbing such that my head could burst. I kid you not.
I recall a couple of months ago when I was so eager to wean Sam off his afternoon nap. However, when I was so sick from that all-day sickness, I kept thinking about how thankful I was that Sam refused to drop his naps. I would nap almost everyday with both boys and that nap was truly a life-saver for me.
Oh and have I mentioned how the all-day sickness coincided with the 40-degrees summer heatwave that we had? For the first time in 9 years in Germany, I was sooo thankful and praising God when temperatures plunged in autumn and I could actually sleep better and feel better!
So here you go. My life in a nutshell over the past few months. The silence on this blog was also a direct consequence of my inability to stare at anything that was glaring for more than a couple of minutes.
I'm so thankful that I've finally made it to 19 weeks! *phew*
The 1st-trimester craziness has completely subsided and I'm feeling so normal and fine that I sometimes forget that I'm pregnant. Such a huge difference from the first 12 weeks.
Baby is expected in early April 2016 (spring baby!) and we can't wait to welcome another baby into our home. The boys have been so excited and Sam insists on kissing "baby" ever so often, while Gabriel follows suit because he finds it funny.
While waiting to conceive this baby after my miscarriage, I prayed for a verse to encourage my heart. And the verse I got was "I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence." Ps 16:8
It has been so apt for this pregnancy so far!
|Our baby #3 announcement on FB that got so many people confused!|