I´ve been feeling bouts of loneliness lately. Needless to say, when my world is disconnected from the "world" and I´m sick, its not that difficult to feel like you´re the only person existing on the face of the planet.
My internet and phone has started functioning since Monday. Which is great! But I´ve not been feeling well, have been sick for more than a week already. It started with a fever, which lasted 2 days, followed by a massive loss of voice, literally unable to talk - that lasted for 4 days and after that, when I started regaining my voice, I had the worst cough in my life.
I could cough without end, start tearing and twice, I even thought that I couldn´t breathe anymore. I can now understand how people can die from coughing. I had to make a quick exit from church service on Sunday and I was in the supermarket and had one of my coughing attacks. I had to think quickly about what I should do when I had problems breathing. I didn´t have any of those cough sweets with me, so I simply grabbed one of those mineral water bottles and drank it even though I have not paid for it yet.
Thing that bugs me too is that I haven´t received any "proper" medicine. I´ve been self-medicating, taking panadol, tea with honey, flu tablets etc...but I thought that after being sick for more than 1 week, the doc should at least give me antibiotics. But no, he refuses to give me and I would need to tolerate this for another few days and see if it gets better, if not, then he´d give me antibiotics. Which makes the total number of sick days to maybe almost 2 weeks?????
I´m unable to visit people much nowadays too because I´m still running a cold and cough and really wouldn´t feel so nice "infecting" other people. Fine fine, I did visit my in-laws, but at least Daddy has more immunity, cos he himself fell sick 2 weeks ago.....
Having so much time being disconnected has helped me to think a lot. I realized that having friends separate by a whole distance can really create such a gap in the friendship. Since I came back to Germany more than a month ago, I haven´t had a "real" phonecall from anybody from Singapore, except for a 10-min call on my hp. (which I really appreciated), but other than that, it felt that I no longer heard from my friends in Singapore - literally. At first, I thought its simply people don´t have time, but then I found out that my friends in Sg DO keep in touch via phone with other friends outside of Singapore. So, that starts me wondering about, hmmm.....how come I don´t get any phonecalls from anybody then?
And sometimes I do wonder if I should stop blogging, cos it feels like I´m just talking to myself (which I don´t mind sometimes, but it seems nonsensical other times) and nobody really seems to post comments or respond on my blog. Anyways, please bear with me if you´re reading this, but I guess days of isolation, being sick and non-connectivity (my stupid MSN does not connect anymore) does some amazing things to you. I look at the youth cell that we lead and I really do miss those school days times when people still have time for people. I guess that´s all part and parcel of growing up.... learning to accept that people live in an increasingly-isolated world.
18 comments:
Hi Pris,
i bet you probably wouldn't rem me AT ALL..we had small talk in Youth service like yearns ago..before you were married!! my gosh, you're married!! and happy of cuz..Praise the Lord for that..
Anyway, i happen to chance upon your blog linking from P.Ian's blog..and i was just reading your entry..i felt compelled to leave a comment..i feel i have to tell you that the Lord never forgets...through your loneliness and grief, our Father is with us..pray about it Pris, the Lord wants to hear you.Pray like you've never prayed harder before..
Really,these words came from the Father, i'm merely an instrument to convey this msg to you..
Nevertheless, i hope it made some sense??!! haha.take acre dear..
Hi Krn_ow, thanks for your comment. I´m wracking my brains to try to remember someone with your name. Is "Krn_ow" your real name? Or is that just an abbreviation? I did try praying, thing is it´s tough to pray out loud when I don´t have a voice or I start praying and coughing simultanenously. Praying´s reduced to thoughts exchanged to God in my brain, which isn´t all that hard to start drifting away to other thoughts - if you know what I mean.....guess I shd start googling, how do deaf and mute people pray.....
When I was young, I had alot of friends to go out playing games, chit chat on the phones, watching movies etc..As times go by, most if not all of them have settled down with their own families, have their own relationships with their children, in-laws, work load etc..Suddenly, lo and behold, I am stuck with nobody except God...This is a transitionary period...Good things is that I could find some new friends who are quite in the same boat as I, single...However, yours is a much more challenging, in a foreign land, language, and distance challenge as you have mentioned... Well, God has a purpose for you as a child of God. You may not see it now but ultimately it shall be revealed..there are also quite a number of people who are in your same shoe... One very reassuring thing that I know is that my family tie with my own siblings are still very strong despite the fact that we meet only probably once a year and some several years...they are there for me whenever I need to find 'security' and 'acceptance'..their mere presence is so assuring...we may not talk much but I know that I could count on them when there is a time of needs...So, it is perfectly natural to feel lonely and always think of the wonderful things that God has blessed you. May the love of God flow through you and use you to send some encouraging words to others whom you have not communicated for quite some time..I know that not everyone would view my blog, but when they received my email, they would respond in good timing...more personal to reach out than to receive..Remember 'It is more blessed to give than to receive'..Follow me...Live your life well in the Lord as I do...
Hope you have your annual flu vaccination...Also may want to consult another doctor who is willing to prescribe antibiotic if necessary...
Hi Pris
11yrs since I left singapore and the only person who calls me regularly is my mum and cos she wants to hear Luke's voice ! ;)
I'm more a email, msn chat n sms girl now after so long...can get quite costly calling long distance leh ;)But seriously true friends dont need to always talk on phone...ailing n I still best friends all these yrs and we only talk on phone occasionally but msn chat every other day which is nice.
U just need to remember u r never really alone with the father, son n holy spirit n your guardian angels and your community of friends praying for u.
In Europe they r not keen to prescribe antibiotics unless really necessary esp for things like colds it's just a waiting game for it to pass unfortunately.
First winters is always hard but next yr better go get the flu jabs.
Hang in there n hope u'll feel better soon.
Love
Steph
Hi Pris,
just want to let you know that I am thinking of you and I appreciate you so much as a friend! If it wasn't for you and our special time of meeting up, I'd feel lonely, too. You are a great friend and I am excited to see where God will lead you next and which people He will bring in your life.
Hug! Geli
Hi Pris...you are not alone in Germany cos I am sure you have made many new friends already, for example...ME :-)
I agree with Steph totally....true friends don't need to talk on the phone always and furthermore due to the time difference between Germany and Singapore, I think it's not very easy for them to contact you either.
Well...just to let you know, you are never alone here, okay?
....and gute Besserung.
Dear Dad (Mr Anoynomous).Thanks for your words of wisdom, I´ve been ministered by what you said. Have actually been thinking through them over the past few days. I´ll definitely get my flu vaccination next year. The doc finally gave me antibiotics during my second visit, think its working, my throat is starting to feel better again. Still coughing but much better, thank God. I think its tough having the transition between being married for 20 over yrs to being a single parent. Guess that´s the time when we really need to trust in God to lead us through these transitionary periods.
Dear Steph, thanks a lot for yr words of encouragement and advice too. Really appreciated and really do look up to you for your persistence to stay overseas inspite and despite all the differences and difficulties! =) Yah, I wld like to meet up with my frens more on MSN but they are hardly ever online! I think I see Ailing online way more often than my friends. So still trying to figure out a way to keep in touch.....
Pris, I was just wondering if you've gone for your free anti-grippe jab at the start of the cold season. It's not free in Italy so I've to live without it but it is in Germany so do think of having yours now if you haven't had it already.
Take care and once you get better, we'll have bubbly you back again.
Dear Serene! Hey, thanks for letting me know. I´ve no idea that the anti-Grippe jab is free. Actually it didn´t even cross my mind to get it, cos I never thought that I could be out-of-order for so long! ahhh..... Will get the jab once I´m done with all my cough stuff, think I can´t have it anytime before that.
My best friend (who lives in Hemmingen) has just come back from Bangkok. The last time I saw her was on 1 January. She only got back to Germany a few days ago and we hadn't had the chance to talk or even email for weeks before that. Last Wednesday we talked for three hours - and it was as if there hadn't been days and weeks of not hearing from each other.
I rang another friend of mine earlier because it's her birthday today. I normally only see her once a year and talk to her twice (birthday and Christmas) but we still love each other and look forward to seeing each other.
I learned when I moved to London that it makes more sense to concentrate on a few people that are really important in my life than having too many friends and having to divide my time between them. But that's just the way I think about it.
Hope you'll feel better soon, love you lots,
jie jie
Actually when I saw my best friend again after years of seperation, it never ever seemed as if we've even left each other. That's the way it normally is with very good friends.
To while away your time, you can do some private sale on the internet. Send me your email again and I'll be able to sponser you.
Dear jie jie! Hey, so sweet of you to share your experiences with me. I know what you mean, its the same too when I go back to visit Singapore. Only have time to meet up with the close friends and its difficult to meet up with everybody. Guess its just the distance that´s hard, when I´ve been used to be able to meet up with frens as and when I wanted and now I´ll have to be content with the occasional emails or telephone calls. Looking forward to seeing u again!
Dear Serene =)
Hey, what do you mean by "private" sales? Sounds interesting! What do u sell? My email addy is pristanny@gmail.com And btw, that wld be great to know your email addy too. Do you know how to keep curry puff crispy? I´m using puffy pastry to make curry puff and it tastes so yummy! Thing is, I don´t know how to transport to say a potluck or smth, cos I heard that it doesn´t stay crispy for long.
Dear Su! Thanks for your words of encouragement! Haven´t met up in a long time! U coming to stuttgart anytime soon?
I've just registered you for the private sales in Germany. They usually do branded stuff at great discounts. The French site is a great hit but the German one just started so it'll be calm for the moment, but surely it'll become big soon too.
For curry puffs, one way would be to pre-cook them (but not too done) and then finish the cooking in your friend's oven upon arrival. If you're not in a hurry, cooking them entirely once you're there would be even better!
You can also fry them but you'll need a different pastry and must make it thin.
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